Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Happy Worst Day
Hey all you pessimists and depressives out there. It's time to celebrate. According to the UK's Dr. Cliff Arnell it's "the most depressing day of the year."
So far today, I've been celebrating by doing some quiet meditation on our corrupt government starring George W. Bush, the war in Iraq, the bird flu epidemic, terrorist threats, global warming, celebrity, the media, guns, nuclear weapons, AIDS, poverty, trash, religion, racism, sexism, abuse, pedophilia, ignorance and, of course, those first three traumatic years.
For later, I have a warm bottle of Jameson waiting, some Girls Gone Wild! DVDs, three bottles of Tylenol, Fox news, and an exacto knife and a lighter for some good old fashioned self-mutilation.
Then, when I'm good and stumbling drunk, over-medicated, bloody, burnt and geared-up from all those hot topless teens, I'll retreat to the local bar where I'll throw myself on all the old men, get in a screaming fist-fight, walk out the door and fall on my face.
If you happen to see me there on the pavement, no need to stop. I can assure you that I'm having the time of my life.