Thursday, January 26, 2006

360






Yesterday I went to the 1-800-Flowers.com factory, where I usually work the two to three weeks before Valentine's Day, making rose bouquets, to fill out some paper work.
It turns out that I would have to piss in a cup this year to pass a drug and alcohol test. I told my boss I would never pass that test. I would sooner pass the NY bar exam.
My boss said, "I won't tell your co-workers why you're not working here."
I said, "I'll tell them myself."
So after giving one of my co-workers the 411, he suggested I smuggle somebody else's urine for the test. And that idea completely grossed me out.
Walking to the subway back to Brooklyn, something extraordinary happened. I can't tell you exactly what as it involves personal information about a certain individual, but it was one of those extraordinary moments of personal consciousness that leaves one faint.
Then I saw Anderson Cooper on the street. He was bundled up in a blue coat and hat.
I used to have a crush on Anderson Cooper, before Michael Musto outed him (From my Vassar days, I realize having a crush on a gay man proves fruitless in that way).
I didn't recognize him at first as he was not in The Thinking Man position in the presence of hungry, though happy, African children.
Still, I waved to him. And he kind of snarled/ smiled back. Perhaps he was thinking: "There's that girl who, on Larry King, said she was offended that Roseanne kissed Muriel Hemmingway."
Or maybe he thought, "There's just another gal who recognized me."



5 comments:

Brittany said...

i thought he was married to patti smith?

amanda said...

I actually had to explain to one of my friends that you were kidding on Larry King. It was kinda sad.

Alicia Goranson said...

Thank you for clearing that up. I, too, have been asked to clarify my sarcasm since that interview.
I guess some people think it's possible to go to Vassar, be in "Boys Don't Cry" and do theater in New York for ten years and hate gay people.

Christina said...

A.C. is gay??

I saw him on the street once, too! he was wearing a Michigan sweatshirt. I gave him a look like, "Aren't you...?" and he gave me a look like, "Is there a hotdog stand nearby?"

Shutzie said...

how come I didn't know about this???