Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Hijacked by Joe Wimpster!

So last night I was out drinking with my buddies on the LES/ Greenpoint and I ran into this chick named Lecy. She said I would write about my night in my blog the next day (today) and that when I did, it would be f*@kin boring.

Your blog's f*@kin boring! Why else would I hijack it? Because I like you?

Lecy: Because you're an aspiring schmactor who's trying desperately to get noticed.

Schmactor? Wha--? Dude, I was on Law and Order!

Lecy: So was she.

Then she pointed to some random chick who, though smokin hot, was definitely not on
Law and Order.

Me: What's up with the lame, robot entry anyway? Trying to steal my fire? "Angrycommenter-bot?" That's gay.

Lecy: You're gay.

Me: You're gay.

Lecy: I wish.

Me: No you don't.

Lecy: Okay. You're just mad you got upstaged by a tin can.

Me: You should listen to all the
Roseanne watchers who google you and go to your blog to give you sh** for not being famous anymore. They're right to question your cantankerous ways.

Lecy: You're right. Someone's got to do it.

Me: Get a life, Dude. Have some fun. Lighten up!

Lecy: En-lighten up.

Me: I am enlightened! How else do I get all the hotties?

Lecy: The lasses you "get" have their idea bulbs burnt out. And they've each called a hundred supers to their little E.Vill apartments who, together, can't screw in a new one...

Me: Alright, alright! Stop speaking in tongues.

Lecy: Stop doing mouses.

Me: Stop dating rats!

Lecy: But I have so many jokes to tell them!

Me: Yeah. The homeless man with the cheeseburger in his pocket. Hysterical.

Lecy: I'd rather be a hysteric than a clone.

Me: Then you should be on
The Surreal Life!

Lecy: Life is surreal enough. Like talking to you right now reminds me of that movie
Sssssss where that guy turns into a snake at the end...Later, Gator.

Me: What?

She left (thank god). Then me and my buddies partied till dawn and met all these hot chicks. It was rockin--anything but boring! I'm the man.



Dave Incognita said...

A.G., we know you have a way with words, and dont you play guitar?
So, when can we expect some music?
I'll be waiting for that album to "drop" as the kids say.

clementine said...

I would love to see you on the Surreal Life!

Olaf said...

Why do you wish you were gay? That is like a knife in the heart of all of us Lecy watchers.

YaKdUsT said...

Thats why i like you, your famous but your a down to earth kinda of gal. Just like my online friends, your the same-famous or not famous it would'nt matter to me because your "real". Hows the hangover?

Cap'n Qwaylood said...

Hijacked by Joe Wimpster for the third time this Season!!Wow...maybe you should pick some new watering holes(UES). Anyway, when ya do..go ahead and hoist a few tankards fer the ol' Cap'n!!

Rudy said...

What's the joke about the homeless man and the cheeseburger?

Celine said...

Olaf, not all Lecy watchers, of that I can assure you. ;)

cap'n qwaylood said...

Yes, please!...we want to hear this joke about the cheeseburger and the homeless dude..

brandoncolecatastrophe said...

Dude...I totlly didn't understand that, so thanx for not posting my crazy rant from before! I feel pretty stupid, but I'm getting a good laugh at myself, which is alway fun!

Josh Mirman said...

I felt bad when I read about the Roseanne watchers giving you crap. :c

Alicia Goranson said...

For the homeless man and the cheeseburger joke, see The Last Laugh.

Dr Marga Bloom said...

Have any opinions on the existentialism of tv comedy? I refer to EF Schumacher's concept of limited resources: Do you believe in underplaying a joke or going all out to ensure the back row catch its meaning, too. And also, when is subtlety most important within the walls of acting?

And, is it better to love or be loved?

Alicia Goranson said...

Yes. God is dead in tv comedy.
I believe in not playing the joke but saying it loud enough so the blue hairs in the back row can hear.
But sometimes playing is irresistible.
Hopefully there are no walls in acting.

To love.

Anonymous said...

Please don't do The Surreal Life. Unless they'd be giving you the equivalent of a down payment on a house or something...

YaKdUsT said...

You hiding?

Alicia Goranson said...

What's your price?

dangit said...

I know this is a total stalker situation, but i really really am not !

I started watching Rosanne after i came to the US in 2001. I totally fell in love with your charming performance ( not to mention your unbelievable cuteness :D ).

And now, when i chanced upon your blog, i can actually kinda sorta communicate with you. Wow !!

A becky admirer ( and after reading all the enteries in your blog, a LG admirer too )
Dangit - whowouldhavethunkit at

James, allegedly said...

I'm leaving the big city and moving back to Kentucky. I can't wait to see mullets again or chicks carrying a baby in one hand and a smoke in the other. Anyway, this is my last comment. All the best AG. You are my favorite.

Thom Vernon said...

Dark lady laughed and danced
And lit the candles one by one
Danced to her gypsy music
Till her brew was done
Dark lady played black magic
Till the clock struck on the twelve
She told me more about me
Than I knew myself

Shutzie said...

can you update your blog please? i'm sure you can find the time....


Ronnie in Cali. said...

^yeah what Shutzie