So last night I was out drinking with my buddies on the LES/ Greenpoint and I ran into this chick named Lecy. She said I would write about my night in my blog the next day (today) and that when I did, it would be f*@kin boring.
Me: Your blog's f*@kin boring! Why else would I hijack it? Because I like you?
Lecy: Because you're an aspiring schmactor who's trying desperately to get noticed.
Me: Schmactor? Wha--? Dude, I was on Law and Order!
Lecy: So was she.
Then she pointed to some random chick who, though smokin hot, was definitely not on Law and Order.
Me: What's up with the lame, robot entry anyway? Trying to steal my fire? "Angrycommenter-bot?" That's gay.
Lecy: You're gay.
Me: You're gay.
Lecy: I wish.
Me: No you don't.
Lecy: Okay. You're just mad you got upstaged by a tin can.
Me: You should listen to all the Roseanne watchers who google you and go to your blog to give you sh** for not being famous anymore. They're right to question your cantankerous ways.
Lecy: You're right. Someone's got to do it.
Me: Get a life, Dude. Have some fun. Lighten up!
Lecy: En-lighten up.
Me: I am enlightened! How else do I get all the hotties?
Lecy: The lasses you "get" have their idea bulbs burnt out. And they've each called a hundred supers to their little E.Vill apartments who, together, can't screw in a new one...
Me: Alright, alright! Stop speaking in tongues.
Lecy: Stop doing mouses.
Me: Stop dating rats!
Lecy: But I have so many jokes to tell them!
Me: Yeah. The homeless man with the cheeseburger in his pocket. Hysterical.
Lecy: I'd rather be a hysteric than a clone.
Me: Then you should be on The Surreal Life!
Lecy: Life is surreal enough. Like talking to you right now reminds me of that movie Sssssss where that guy turns into a snake at the end...Later, Gator.
She left (thank god). Then me and my buddies partied till dawn and met all these hot chicks. It was rockin--anything but boring! I'm the m.f.in man.