Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Spring Break



You might be wondering, "Why the long break from blogging, Lecy?"
Well, I just got back from Cancun where I was going wild the past week with my friends Heather, Gretchen, Sarah, Candi and Shannequa.
After the pre-tanning sessions, mani-pedis, boot camp workouts, full body waxing and the Bebe bikini--my Dad's credit card was maxed out before I even hit the beach.
While all that preparation may seem extraneous, it was the only way this 31-year-old hag could pass among all the sweet young things.
I never imagined there would be so many hot college boys clad only in Abercrombe bermudas and hair gel.
Not to mention all the red-faced, white 40+-year-old pedophiles. And the VJs--all those hot VJs.
200 mai-tais mixed with date rape drugs later, it's a holy wonder my midriff stayed on at all.
Now, every time I listen to Sean Paul, attempt to glance at my new, lower back tribal tattoo or look back on the photos of all the teenage boys I deflowered, I'll remember 2006 as the best Spring Break ever.
So what I'm still burnt and hungover. I passed.
And you readers think I'm depressed and never have fun.


Okay. The dog ate my entries. Honest.


29 comments:

James, allegedly said...

And you still had time to make a Pac-Man ghost sand sculpture! I like where your head's at, A.G. I also had quite a week...I made the local news because I had the dubious honor of being the first person hit by a car at the location of the newly installed stop sign in my neighborhood. Reached for comment, the victim(me) said, "It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

Olaf said...

Please, what is "deflower"? Are you a gardener?

Alicia Goranson said...

To deflower means to take someone's virginity.
As in "I deflowered teenage boys in Cancun over Spring break."

Alicia Goranson said...

I used to think that song Maneater by Hall and Oates was about Ms. Pac-Man.

James, allegedly said...

You mean it wasn't about Ms. Pac-Man? Damn, now I'm going to have to re-do the "Hall and Oates/Ms. Pac-Man" motif in my bedroom. I think I will change it to an homage to 'Becky' and deflowered teens everywhere...in a non-weirdo kind of way, if possible.

Sally Forthe said...

Where is the fun in taking someone's virginity? Were you not thinking (as in the words of Mick Jagger) "I can't get no (satisfaction)"? But at least the action has lightened your mood. What a shame we can't bottle it.

Alicia Goranson said...

I thrive off the terror on their faces.

Cesaro said...

So thats what deflower means.I thought it was something like,"loosing or cutting flower petals".

theJDman said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rudy said...

Alicia, you're definately the Agent Orange of Spring Break 2006.

Still, I'm certain you had a better spring break than I did; eating ramen straight out of the packet for a whole week isn't as cool as they make it seem on MTV.

Mr. Zilla said...

What? No pics of you in a bikini?? So, like are we talking Brazilian wax here or just a wax "around the edges"? hehe..

Lucky, teenage boys! Oh, to be one again and in Cancun...

Sally Forthe said...

that scary, are you, AG? What was your total?

Cap'n Qwaylood said...

Yes!.Great essay...however,what happens in Cancun, doesn't stay in Cancun. I love the smell of 'Cuervo and urine in da morning!!

Dave Incognita said...

When can I get my copy of "Bloggers Gone Wild"?
Can I pre-order here??
You will take Visa wont you?

sarahjean said...

Is the sand image a ghost of spring break past? Sounds like a wild time. I think you played too much Ms. Pac Man at the Spot or was it Grannys kitchen?

Alicia Goranson said...

Ahoy cap'n qwaylood!

Alicia Goranson said...

It was Taco Loco, Sarah Jean.

Alicia Goranson said...

A dirty dozen flowers.

sally Forthe said...

You've had sex, mentioned it in your blog and LOOK! You have attracted record comments! Maybe I don't need to ask about your opinions of sex before marriage. I am 30 and still a virgin. I am sometimes ashamed to admit this, but it's true. So do you stay pure all year, then go mad every spring break? I will never know what it's like because I am ugly.
I wish I had your ability to go out and take the virginity of many people. But I am hideous. I could date the elephant man, and HE would be the looker.

Alicia Goranson said...

Marriage? What's that?

Alicia Goranson said...

I've dated the Elephant Man.

doobyus said...

Gah, 40+ paedophiles give the rest of us 40+ normal perverts a bad name.

I once knew a girl like you, back when I was young and innocent. Now I am old and innocent and wish i didn't have to wear this bag over my head.

James, allegedly said...

I was deflowered by an older woman...a blonde-headed siren with a crooked mouth, a cloudy eye, and alabaster skin. I think I meant to say "harpy" instead of "siren." Either way, we got along famously.

Olaf said...

but did you deflower the elephant man?

Alicia Goranson said...

No. That happened back when he was Elephant boy.

Olaf said...

Elephants are known to be rather 'large'. It must have been painful for you. We have a saying in Sweden: "Sleep with Elephant, walk like John Wayne."

Nick Talsma said...

Sounds like a good time! I must not've been in the right place at the right time. Being deflowered by somebody famous? Now there's a story.

Anonymous said...

Hi,

Just saw "Love, Ludlow". Different. I like movies with a twist, something different. I thought you were hot! Got any interesting new projects going? Why not talk about important stuff here, not "what I did over my summer vacation (er, spring break)"
RK

MISSYV said...

I just happened to have come across this site of yours..and I have to comment on it...your humor is awesome! Your sarcasm is perfect! With just a few tiny words..you sure do know how to make a "laughing comment".
Roseanne was a funny show..but your comedy is much better on your own!
:)