Monday, March 06, 2006

Hijacked by Joe Wimpster!

So last night I was drinking with my buddies on the LES/ Williamsburg and I ran into this chick named Lecy. She said I would write about my night in my blog the next day (today) and that when I did, it would be f*@kin boring.

Me: Oh that's original, Lecy! You're like a broken Hole record. If I'm so boring, why do you engage?

Lecy: I try not to but you're always all up in my grill. Besides, you hijack my blog, Joe, and I have a V for Vendetta.

Me: Yeah. And when I hijack your blog, it's good for once!

Lecy: You're messing with my blog's delicate eco-balance.

Me: No. You're a cranky witch who takes herself too f*@kin seriously. Unlike you, I am capable of having fun!

Lecy: Then make like Santa Claus and go back to your "fun" (aka drinking with your frat buddies and picking up dumb boring chicks).

Me: Frat? Wha--?! You're just jealous of all the chicks who want me.

Lecy: You're right. I'll try to act more dumb and boring in the future, and throw myself on more guys like you.

Me: That would be a nice change...

Lecy: Talk to your hand, Joe.

Me: It's talk to
the hand.

Lecy: No. Talk to
your hand. It's the only thing that's gonna be keepin you company later on and the only thing you can relate to.

Me: You don't know sh**. I get laid all the time. All the time. And if I can't relate to anyone, why is it that when I see you, I'm always with my buddies and you're always alone?

Lecy: Men are pack animals and the witches are busy tonight. Besides, why do I always have to have somebody around me. You're like that guy in
Basket Case with that siamese twin/ appendage that gets cut off. And he carries it around in a basket and it attacks people...

Me: I know the movie, Lecy!

Lecy: But you have two siamese twin/ appendages and two baskets...

Me: Okay, okay! Stop. Jeez.

When suddenly, on the bar TV,
Crash won for Best Picture!

Me: Whoa!

Lecy: Yawn. I'm going home. I hope you and your cowboy buddies aren't too upset by the upset.

Me: Again, very original humor. Good luck recessitating the Riot Grrrrrl movement.

Lecy: Good luck chasing all the Lilith Fair cotton ball heads. And Spring Break's just around the corner!

She left. Then, me and my buddies partied till dawn and met these hot chicks. It was rocking--anything but boring!

P.S. When I win for Best Actor at next year's Oscars, Lecy, I'll know who
not to thank! I'm the man.



Dave said...

Now.. THAT was interesting!

Hey, I plugged yer movie on .. gonna have to check it out myself soon!

Dan said...

Joe seems rather belligerent for a wimpy faux-sensitive type.

But he does serve to remind me how very glad I am not to be dating anymore.

joe said...

I'm way more belligerent than wimpy, Dan! I can't help it that my last name's Wimpster--blame my Dad! It was hard for me at school growing up.
But that's why the hot chicks all love me so much. Because I've had it tough, gone through some hard times and I'm a better f*@kin man because of it.
They see through my handsome facade into my sensitive core because they're chicks. And they're hot.
Sorry you got the old ball-and-chain. But you seem like a cool enough dude, so she must be pretty hot!

clementine said...

Perhaps it is the booze talking, but the condensation running down that glass of beer is oddly attractive.