Don't Shoot The Messenger

Love, Hate, Accommodate

2009-10-06T21:35:00.017-04:00

i. Through life have we slept? So easily kept. It’s "Hang in, don’t quit," When feeling like shit.ii.In Being we must,Invisible trust;In God, disagree--The lost family.iii.The primary nurture,The well-plotted future,Splits open the suture/Appeases the moocher.iv. The complex, the kin, The chance of "the win,” The warring, within With authority/

The Meadow

2009-03-03T21:25:00.010-05:00

As Bambi's motherLed her fawnOnto the meadowAnd was gone,So I was shown,And, thus, exposedTo pastures whereForeboding bodes.Without the treesThat hide the sun,The vast expanseBelied the gun.For when the shotShattered the calm,The earth became A maelstrom.The moment's shock,The past forgot,I ran to whereI had been not.In foreign forests,Overgrown,I realizedI was alone.And in the absenceOf my

Goat Busters

2008-10-07T00:11:00.003-04:00

So the Cubs lost. It has only been a hundred years. To all you haters out there: keep shootin' moose from a helicopter.

Back In the Land Of

2008-07-09T21:13:00.002-04:00

Obama and the Cubs... Lake dip babies Ketchup-less Hot Dougs Zambrano Deep dish skyline White boats on green lake Buckingham river Daley Trees White moths West LSD Navy Ferris Wheel Green Mill Bean Industry Lighthouse deep house Old Style old school John Hancock blues El Loop

The Shame

2008-06-26T01:01:00.007-04:00

For Emily Dickinson When next you feel the shame Because you lost the game; An insult to your name, Rejected from the same-- Recall that you are you And others, themselves, too; So best not misconstrue Conclusions others drew. Or those that they will draw For @*$#!--the fatal flaw Of interest in the jaw,

Mis Quince Anos!

2008-06-23T00:03:00.003-04:00

Es mis Quince Anos! Y Los Ositos barrieron Los Sux--Que bueno!

LA

2008-06-11T02:03:00.003-04:00

I used to live in LA. And I went there for a visit over the weekend. And a flood of memories returned. I remember the first time I saw palm trees. And ate a real burrito. And saw the ocean. And the mountains and smog. And the new age flyers. And the muscle beach boys. And the cabanas; the year-round outdoors. And the cults and psychics. The

Hex Flix

2008-05-29T12:31:00.008-04:00

The other night I had a dream about a possessed vacuum cleaner.In the dream, I was watching a movie about a possessed vacuum cleaner.Then, I looked out the window, and in the distance, saw the same possessed vacuum cleaner pass, swiftly and silently, through a pastoral setting, from right to left.Then, the vacuum cleaner passed by again, from right to left, this time closer; And again, from right

Urban Scrawl

2008-05-24T00:48:00.008-04:00

For the last man. When you, o'er whelming-- You, the BK Bridge And the moon Is out In full force Even tho Thou be Annihlist.

Hijacked by Joe Wimpster!

2008-05-19T13:23:00.008-04:00

So last night I was out drinking with my buddies on the UES/ The Slope and I ran into this chick named Lecy. She said I would write about my night in my blog the next day (today) and that when I did it would be f*@kin boring. Me: Oh yeah? You know what's boring? Taking like a 25-year-break from blogging! Lecy: I guess that means you've had to take like a 25-year-break

Perceptiony: A Fairy Tale

2008-05-17T22:00:00.013-04:00

Once upon a time, there was a mad cool lady named Perceptiony, who lived in a castle in industrial Brooklyn. One beautiful, Spring day, Perceptiony was at the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens, meditating under a cherry blossom tree, listening to the koto. Suddenly, the earth shook--the ground cracked open before her! When she awoke, Perceptiony found herself in the depths of Hell.

Poor Uncle Tom, Good Night

2008-05-07T15:31:00.010-04:00

For Eight Belles You heard the crowd sing "weep no more.." As you were led out to the green, Past columned stands, white and pristine, Into a narrow corridor. The gate was freed and off you tore-- Your hot hooves galloped in the gleen; Your muscles moved your gray coat's sheen. When suddenly, amidst the roar From wide-brimmed hats, cocked from juleps;

05/04, 03, 02, 01

2008-05-04T17:53:00.005-04:00

Sitting under tree, Pink, paper blossoms above-- Is this suffering? Here for harmony; Maybe Buddha had sake, A cold Sopporo. The koto sounds like Little player piano, Rain falling on wood. I forgot the sun. Did Buddha need SPF? Remember the sun.

Mindful Of

2008-05-03T01:36:00.007-04:00

The scale's axis; the core, the heart, the gift of humanness; on the lean days, in the off-season-- weathering those potholes in the road, the waves that rock each and every boat. We must carry on-- and not let such things overtake us. We must load our guns and aim for the target's center--and fire! We must seize that chance in the face of fear; We

Spring Ode

2008-04-29T18:06:00.006-04:00

For Keats The rain fell, and carried with it petals Which cover sidewalks, pavements wetted gray. The pigments, pink and yellow, boldly splayed Along the path, promote a stroll's abettal; Each step and breath awakes one to one's mettle. For who can stay asleep at Spring's display, And worry on and wander on one's way-- When blossoms, yet to

No Change In...

2008-04-26T23:39:00.003-04:00

No change in chance meeting. How are there Expectations, desires. Silly mystery, Blissful Folly-- Hope it won't go. The dream, realized; Fate-rebellion, River drifting... Further complicates Divine joys-- Divine moment following.

4/21

2008-04-24T19:37:00.002-04:00

Drinking Moon After The Rain. Little bird on small, round plate. Little spoon.

Back-n'-Organized!

2008-04-19T01:01:00.007-04:00

The Pope's in town for Passover. And you know what that means: All out religious war! So come on, get out there and give a flyer for your team. Tibet's not involved and Oprah's gone Buddhist...right?

Blood For Oil!

2006-08-17T16:10:00.000-04:00

Three weeks ago, I gave blood. Last week, in the mail, I received an Exxon Mobile cash card from the New York Blood Center with a five dollar credit on it. Blood for Oil! (Or: Altruist acts may result in a nasty bruise on one's arm, whether or not one gets a free quarter mile's worth of gas for it!)

Unstuck

2006-07-10T16:13:00.000-04:00

In the interim of my absence--a complete upheaval. Still, events occur without pause; there is a seamlessness to time and circumstance. Without warning, the Self may shift dramatically; becoming itself, touching upon its unconditioned origin: not death but truth. There is freedom in facing one's situation. Consciousness comes. A path opens up. There is no turning back.

Happy Birthday To Me

2006-06-22T10:59:00.000-04:00

Today is my birthday. I'm 17! No need to delve into your retirement funds for gifts, loyal readers. If you must give, simply pick up one piece of trash today and throw it into the nearest waste receptacle. Glory be to the Great Lords Of The Abyss!

The Land

2006-06-19T13:09:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend I went camping with friends in Pennsyltucky. I swam in a pond, read a book in a hammock and slept in a tent. There was a huge spider on my tent. Cows ate my shirt. There were fireworks. We set a dinasaur pinata on fire, followed by a Jenga tower.

Id

2006-06-14T11:17:00.000-04:00

Just as one is patting one's self on the back for leaps made in the way of "reasonable adulthood," one may find one's self quickly plunging into the depths of one's own animal nature. Hopefully when the Emperor realizes he's naked, he does not have to reach for his starchiest three piece suit in penance.

Hijacked by Joe Wimpster!

2006-05-31T20:49:00.008-04:00

So last night I was out drinking with my buddies on the LES/ Greenpoint and I ran into this chick named Lecy. She said I would write about my night in my blog the next day (today) and that when I did, it would be f*@kin boring.Me: Your blog's f*@kin boring! Why else would I hijack it? Because I like you?Lecy: Because you're an aspiring schmactor who's trying desperately to get noticed.Me:

Foolish 3

2006-05-30T07:44:00.000-04:00

3. In the grotesque nature of truth; In the grotesque truth of nature; Guilty or innocent, we die. And, while living, watch the guilty and innocent live and die. Thus, alone in our thoughts we find others.

Foolish 2

2006-05-27T16:03:00.000-04:00

2. Identifying with the organization divides the family. Trusts and bonds feign trusting bonds to steer the local politic. There is no security in blood and money; church and state.

Foolish

2006-05-26T14:34:00.000-04:00

1. In small moments of happiness the mind defies complexity. The burden of worry is less than the awe of simple being. "I'm alive and living" is enough to unite spirit and daylight.

The Calm

2006-05-22T18:08:00.000-04:00

The sun and lush green seem new as if, yesterday, there had been no storm at all. How does it seem new every time; The storm, so readily forgotten; Today, evenly sad and beautiful.

Fill In The Blank

2006-05-17T13:16:00.000-04:00

I'm brainwashed in the way of ___________. I have tendencies toward_____________. I am corrupt because___________. I am not corrupt because____________. ___________makes me angry. ___________makes me happy. ___________makes me human. ___________makes me "me."

Joey

2006-05-12T15:46:00.000-04:00

And my old pal Joey.

Peabody

2006-05-12T15:41:00.000-04:00

Meet my new friend Peabody.

Spackle

2006-05-10T15:56:00.002-04:00

Today, while spackling holes in my brick walls, I saw an angry cat with a chainsaw.

Sunday Times Weather Headline

2006-05-01T11:12:00.000-04:00

Late Edition Today: Brilliant sunshine, chilly start, mild end, high 67.

Hijacked By Angrycommenter-bot!

2006-04-25T19:31:00.001-04:00

I am Angrycommenter-bot. I am programmed to hijack Don't Shoot The Messenger and destroy it with a monotonous drone of half-truths.Destroy Don't Shoot The Messenger.(lasers) Former child stars with blogging hobbies are no match for Angrycommenter-bot.(lasers)I did not like it when you erased your mouth in Photoshop.(lasers)You are too old to be blogging. You should find a reason to resurrect

Overwhelmed

2006-04-20T18:08:00.000-04:00

There are so many things going on. So many thoughts. So many people with so much to do. So much potential. And dissatisfaction. And happiness. And sadness. And trees. And leaves. And stuff. And pieces of trash. And places to go. And things to read. And to listen to. And to ignore. And to worry about. And to look forward to. And to learn.

Howdy Pagans

2006-04-16T23:29:00.000-04:00

In a cab today, exiting the Brooklyn Bridge, I saw a plump robin perched in a blooming tree.

Silent Blogger

2006-04-13T17:27:00.000-04:00

Spring Break

2006-04-12T11:49:00.000-04:00

You might be wondering, "Why the long break from blogging, Lecy?" Well, I just got back from Cancun where I was going wild the past week with my friends Heather, Gretchen, Sarah, Candi and Shannequa. After the pre-tanning sessions, mani-pedis, boot camp workouts, full body waxing and the Bebe bikini--my Dad's credit card was maxed out before I even hit the beach. While all that

Zoo Baboon

2006-04-05T13:38:00.000-04:00

The zoo baboonawakens to fruittossed by the uniformed,scowls at onlookerson the other sideof the glass.Power, imprisoned,resists and adaptsto canned Nature;Instinct, thrown upon itself,may roar at the sunor scratch in boredom.While hundreds snap photos,bang and shoutat the glass--is he ever truly seenor is it a primate mirrorwe take home with us?

Nature's Kicking Our Ass

2006-03-31T15:16:00.000-05:00

The System

2006-03-28T14:30:00.000-05:00

It bugs me that Democrats and Republicans alike proclaim that Democracy is the superior form of government. While I see their point, to a degree, clearly there are some loopholes in our current government (insert gripe here and feel free to laugh at the gross understatement). Why discount the prospect of new, alternate systems? Complacency is so prevalent, mass opinions

Freaky Friday

2006-03-24T16:33:00.000-05:00

Last night I went bowling. I woke up this morning, thinking it was Saturday and at around three, Hecate told me it's Friday. It was creepy: as though everything was black and white all of a sudden, and Rod Serling came out of nowhere and started talking. Maybe that's what bowling does to you. Or maybe it was those wild dreams I had last night, which bled into today.

Alicia's Republic

2006-03-21T15:14:00.000-05:00

Hey Socrates. Hey Alicia. When I was on Larry King Live a few months ago, I insinuated that society hasn't progressed much since your day. Was I wrong? Yes. Certainly. But reading your conversation with Plato yesterday, your discussion seemed pretty relevant to current social issues. Would you agree? Totally, dude. And would you agree that although

Matchbook

2006-03-16T15:22:00.000-05:00

So yesterday I drank a lot of coffee, and while walking, wrote on a matchbook: While garbage dumps fill, the insatiable emptiness of the individual remains unfilled.

Lean Back

2006-03-13T17:40:00.000-05:00

It's amazing: when one, with a propensity toward reactive behavior, while in a milieu, charged with psychic dynamism, finds one's self effortlessly "clicking" into an Observer's Mind. One, therein, is a surprized witness to the natural order of things; and sometimes Nature's scale may level abruptly.

50

2006-03-10T17:53:00.000-05:00

This marks the fiftieth entry of Don't Shoot The Messenger. So whether you're a subscriber or you're just tuning in now, you have a reason to celebrate. Thank you for your support. And Glory be to The Great Lords Of The Abyss!

Glad Acceptance

2006-03-08T23:45:00.000-05:00

The other day someone asked me if I was happy. Happy? I do not find glad acceptance in certain aspects of life. I do not suffer fools gladly or accept what I read in the newspaper often. In short, I struggle with injustice on a social and personal level a lot of the time, and thus long to be part of the Justice League. It seems that making peace with man's

Hijacked by Joe Wimpster!

2006-03-06T22:16:00.004-05:00

So last night I was drinking with my buddies on the LES/ Williamsburg and I ran into this chick named Lecy. She said I would write about my night in my blog the next day (today) and that when I did, it would be f*@kin boring. Me: Oh that's original, Lecy! You're like a broken Hole record. If I'm so boring, why do you engage? Lecy: I try not to but you're always all up in my grill.

We Are As Clouds

2006-03-04T18:53:00.000-05:00

Sometimes life seems symbolically heightened. This may cause awe or just plain anxiety. Sometimes the only change seems to be no change, and thus one is anxious about the impending change to come. Shelley says, "Nought may endure but Mutability." Similarly, my Dad says, "The only thing consistant about golf is inconsistancy." But when one hears

The Regular

2006-03-03T19:01:00.000-05:00

For two years in high school, I ate at the same restaurant almost every night (and for brunch on Saturdays). The Good Earth was located at the Glendale Galleria in Glendale, CA., about a twenty minute drive from my apartment. For dinner I would have either the Planet Burger or the Twelve Summer Vegetable Soup--always with a Good Earth Iced Tea. For Saturday brunch I'd

More Shameless Self Promotion

2006-03-01T18:37:00.002-05:00

Love, Ludlow is not only in demand (It went up three bucks on Amazon.com), it's now On Demand. Got cable? Your ninety-nine cents will help keep my blog alive and contribute to next month's utilities (What's up with the gas bill, folks...?).

What I've Learned In My Three Days Off

2006-02-28T14:09:00.000-05:00

Actions in life have resonance. Incredulity may prove a sad entrapment. Integrity can evoke integration.

John Belluso: In Memorium

2006-02-28T13:29:00.000-05:00

There is an angel looking down on me named John Belluso. And if he's just a memory, if the pragmatist says he's "no more" (Angel? What proof? Why is he up there and you down here?), I will, instead, take John's Romantic philosophy and say: Love and Truth reign supreme. And the future is Hope.

Shelter In My Blog

2006-02-23T19:52:00.002-05:00

The news is always slanted, But slanted not to me; Celebrities and pedigrees Don't talk philosophy; The Great Lords are a-waitin' In an Abyss full of fog; Come on I'll give you shelter, Shelter in my blog. Of all the online places, No elsewhere you will see A witches' brew, Joe Wimpster's views, Personified pastry; Escape from corporate hell-fire And meet the underdog

Self-Portrait

2006-02-22T17:38:00.000-05:00

It's just like looking in the mirror. No, seriously: Have a nice day.

Black Hole

2006-02-20T19:26:00.000-05:00

A star stops. And the black hole implodes in a dense mass of darkness. Its event horizon is brilliant, invites awe (What looks like coral is, surprize!--carnivorous fish!). Inside, all that is stretched speeds incomprehensibly into the future singularity.

Dinner Party

2006-02-20T01:07:00.000-05:00

Those roots are good with the dirt still on 'em.

Witch Talk

2006-02-17T15:36:00.000-05:00

Witches don't tuck their jeans into boots.Two out of three witches have punched or kicked a hole in the door. "Memory Lane" is just another way of saying "hell." They're all trying to fit "the mold." What's up with Failure to Launch?Don't be a movie-whore, Dad! Dr. Phil is hiding something (He's at the bunny ranch with Rush Limbaugh).My cell phone started meowing in the middle of my

Last Night/ This Morning

2006-02-16T16:36:00.000-05:00

Last night I felt frightened and abandoned and acted like a needy child. I regret it. This morning, my heart led me to the place where it is happiest, and my head did not stop its course. I was foolish. But a pure feeling in this cruel world can be worth living for. And I was surprized to find my heart speaking its truth, unconditionally.

My Far East

2006-02-15T12:19:00.003-05:00

Two Haikus Robert De Niro: The American Express Commercial's edit. Watch Lou Dobbs Tonight: Commentary re: trade and Our Nation's borders.

Hallmark Holiday

2006-02-14T17:32:00.000-05:00

Someone's having sex tonight...

White

2006-02-13T14:39:00.000-05:00

Outside, everything is white. And the sunlight reflects off the white like a vast blanket of bounce-board. Even when one is indoors, white light remains imprinted on the eyes like a negative or a soft lens.

mourning dove

2006-02-11T15:06:00.000-05:00

mourning dove, mourning dove you flew down from up above and sang a little song for me in which I heard conspiracy I found myself in a blind rage shoved you into a white cage and you were smaller than my glove o mourning dove, mourning dove mourning dove, mourning dove to take back that brutal shove I did not think yet was headstrong your throat was right, my ear was wrong for you

All-One!

2006-02-10T13:46:00.000-05:00

Last night Hecate and I went to a screening of Dr. Bronner's Magic Soap Box, a wonderful documentary Bathory edited about the eccentric soap shaman.While I have bought Dr. Bronner's soap over the years, taken by its delightful scent and cryptically verbose label, watching the film, I was gripped by the notion that a label only goes so far in representing what can be a far greater and more

It Is Better To Have Loved...

2006-02-08T15:35:00.000-05:00

It is better to have loved than to have not loved at all.Who first spoke this tale so tall?Who had such a sanctified wherewithal?Who had the gumption and the gall? It is better to have loved than to have not loved at all. It is better to have loved than to have not loved at all. What is Love? To whom does it befall? Does one clearly hear its call? Is its writing on the wall? It is

Surprize Party

2006-02-07T16:00:00.000-05:00

Just when I thought it was going to be just another ho-hum Monday night of stir-frying kale and watching Wife Swap with Rudy (the cat), my friends Susan Buice and Arin Crumley dropped by with two of their friends and--surprize--I was having a party! I met Susan and Arin in Germany last September at the Oldenburg Film Festival. When I first saw them at the festival's free cappuccino, Javer

Misperception

2006-02-06T23:36:00.000-05:00

Not always, but sometimes one experiences misperception. Sometimes it occurs in a more direct cause-and-effect way, as when one's projection is recognized and accounted for soon after. While other times, misperception can manifest in more cryptic ways, leaving one caught in a complex web of one's own deception. It is frustrating when one is trying to ride straight down the road of

Feminist Rant

2006-02-05T21:59:00.001-05:00

For Betty Friedan When a scantly-clad Jessica Simpson approaches with pizza poppers, resist the pang of hunger in your gut for Pizza Hut brand pizza. When accosted by images of emaciated fourteen-year-old girl models in pre-pubescent boy-poses this fashion week, get your "just escaped from the looney bin-" hag on and start yellin' in the streets. When that older guy at

Alicia's Favorite Things

2006-02-03T14:26:00.000-05:00

Hecate and Bathory got me this lighter last summer at a headshop on Cape Cod. It's a hologram that changes from ET in the woods to a skull with a tongue, emerging from flames. When I was in elementary school we were asked to write and draw three wishes. Mine were as follows: 1. I wish that I had a secret land of my own.

Lost Rolling Stones Song

2006-02-02T21:52:00.001-05:00

Mom-ma Mom-ma you're so bad Mom-ma Mom-ma you're so bad You're the only Mom-ma I've ever hadMom-ma Mom-ma you're so cruelMom-ma Mom-ma you're so cruelBeat up the bul-lies after school Mom-ma Mom-ma you're so e-vil Mom-ma Mom-ma you're so e-vil You employ the tempting de-vilMom-ma Mom-ma you're so rudeMom-ma Mom-ma you're so rudeIt's a night-mare being your brood Mom-ma Mom-ma you're so wrong

Burger King King Streusel

2006-02-01T15:25:00.000-05:00

Move over, Nun Bun! The Burger King King Streusel was discovered yesterday at baked in Red Hook, Brooklyn, causing quite a stir in this small, seafaring community. Doesn't He look grand there on His throne of homemade marshmallows? When I saw His Majesty yesterday morning, I did not have my camera on me. So camera in-hand, I returned today to find He had

Needs First

2006-01-31T22:53:00.004-05:00

Being empathetic, it is often times difficult to put one's own needs first. I applaud you empathetic individuals who put your needs first.

Product Placement

2006-01-30T18:44:00.000-05:00

What does one do when one awakens to a beautiful, sunny New York day in a King Kong-sized rage? If one finds oneself walking on the way home from getting coffee (which one does not need while in a King Kong rage), one may imagine picking up a digging bulldozer and throwing it at another digging bulldozer. And when a friendly Workman waves and offers, "How do you like this lovely

Shameless Self-Promotion

2006-01-27T18:14:00.006-05:00

Today I did a phone interview for the upcoming DVD release of a film I did called Love, Ludlow. I was so boring. I took the call at the Beauty Parlour while getting my roots done. And I felt as if the satellite rays to my cellphone were ricochetting off the foil on my head, bringing electro-magnetic havoc to myself and the hip staff and patrons of the Beauty Parlour. I also felt

360

2006-01-26T21:53:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I went to the 1-800-Flowers.com factory, where I usually work the two to three weeks before Valentine's Day, making rose bouquets, to fill out some paper work. It turns out that I would have to piss in a cup this year to pass a drug and alcohol test. I told my boss I would never pass that test. I would sooner pass the NY bar exam. My boss said, "I won't tell your co-workers

Default Blog Entry

2006-01-25T15:24:00.002-05:00

Note: The following was written on the worst day of the year. I like that commercial where the Burger King King 1 is playing football. And he puts his hand against the guy in the scrum's balls to get the football. And he's running with the football and that James Bond music is playing in the background. And they show a chicken take-home container that looks like a football and a hand

Happy Worst Day

2006-01-24T18:31:00.000-05:00

Hey all you pessimists and depressives out there. It's time to celebrate. According to the UK's Dr. Cliff Arnell it's "the most depressing day of the year." So far today, I've been celebrating by doing some quiet meditation on our corrupt government starring George W. Bush, the war in Iraq, the bird flu epidemic, terrorist threats, global warming, celebrity, the media

The Last Laugh

2006-01-23T18:10:00.005-05:00

The cover story of yesterday's New York Times Magazine ("The Animal Self" by Charles Siebert) was about how science is suddenly abuzz again about animal behavior or, more specifically, animal "personality." Siebert writes: "All sorts of research has been done in recent years revealing various aspects of animal complexity: African gray parrots that can not only count but can also grasp the

My Rapture

2006-01-21T15:46:00.000-05:00

Life isn't fair. So what's wrong with a fatalistic approach to life?I suppose religious texts exist, in part, to ground us in a "moral universe." But historically, these texts have only gone so far in serving this purpose.In short, we have choices. And thus, there's a fine line between neurosis, cultural-influences, etc. and acting like a jerk.It's one thing to be driven to crimes against the

Hova

2006-01-20T15:04:00.002-05:00

I bought some bad milk at the deli the other day. Apologetic, the deli guy gave me a "one free Starbucks" coupon and said, "Have a caramel macchiato on me."So yesterday I went to the Starbucks by my therapist's office and ordered a caramel macchiato, a venti--getting my coupon's worth.The barista who works there has taken to calling me "Hova" because of the huge sunglasses I often wear.

In My Head

2006-01-19T17:27:00.002-05:00

The Self-Loather and The Revolutionary are in the ring. They charge toward eachother. The Revolutionary gives a quick, swift right-jab. The Self-Loather takes it in the left cheek bone and responds with a left hook to the side of The Revolutionary's head. The Revolutionary comes back and they lock gloves. The Revolutionary frees himself and jabs The Self-Loather's abdomen

Witch Night

2006-01-18T11:51:00.000-05:00

Last night I went over to Hecate's apartment. She told me Bathory was having a crisis at work and was running late. I sat down by the TV and a Playtex commercial was playing: "Now when you're on your period, you can say, it's not a problem," the voiceover cooly exclaimed as an image of a model in hot pants, welding, flashed upon the screen. "It's not a problem

Shelley

2006-01-17T17:24:00.000-05:00

Shelley Winters is one of the greatest, if not the greatest actress of her time. She passed away last Saturday morning at the age of 83. Earlier in my life, I was lucky enough to work with Shelley when she played my great-grandmother on Roseanne. I vividly remember one particular moment when, while rehearsing on our kitchen set, she picked up a prop tomato, took a big bite out

MLK

2006-01-16T13:00:00.000-05:00

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character..." MLK

Trust

2006-01-14T14:03:00.000-05:00

The other day, I watched an Oprah show about miracles. Topics ranged from a baby surviving a difficult surgery to a dog who dialed 911 when his owner collapsed, saving her life. But the most provocative story, I found, was about a teenager named Laura who mysteriously disappeared from her hometown. Distraught, Beth Ann, one of Laura's classmates, showed her mother, Sha, a

Hijacked by Joe Wimpster!

2006-01-13T09:42:00.003-05:00

So last night I was drinking with some buddies in the E.Vill/ Dumbo and I ran into this chick named Lecy. She said I would write about my night in my blog the next day (today), and that when I did, it would be f*@kin boring.Boring?! That's bulls**t! I asked her if she read my sweet last entry, and she said, "Yeah, it was f*@kin boring."So I tried to rise above her hag-like bitterness by

Ass Implants

2006-01-12T20:35:00.000-05:00

Today, a woman in my group therapy told me that, while recently out in LA, she had a free gym pass. And that the latest craze for the workout ladies appeared to be: ass implants.1 Upon hearing her say "implants," I immediately assumed a feminist judo-stance, covering my eyes and ovaries. 2When all of a sudden, I realized what an ingenious concept ass implants really was! In short, I'm

Nun Bun Conspiracy

2006-01-11T20:16:00.000-05:00

In 1997, months before her death, Mother Teresa was so pissed-off that Nashville's Bongo Java was selling Nun Bun t-shirts, she wrote to them, asking them to stop selling merchandise with her image on a cinnamon bun. Perhaps the thief who stole the Nun Bun this past Christmas was a big Mother Teresa fan, and acted in a revolutionary manner to honor her humility. If that's the

The War Within

2006-01-10T15:51:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I did a reading of Lydia Stryk's American Tet at the New York Theater Workshop. It was the second reading I've done about the Iraqi war in a few months. The other, The Poor Itch by John Belluso, was read in November as part of the Public's New Works Now series. As the war in Iraq has been going on for some time now, I find it odd that there have been few if any plays

Chitascape

2006-01-09T20:37:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I went to see the final performance of Edward Albee's Seascape, featuring stage goddess and dear friend Beth Marvel.I got my ticket at the will call window and joined the ticketholder's line. Outside, on the wall of the theater, large, jazzy photos of Chita Rivera were posted. And as the line inched closer to the theater's entrance, a video of Chita Rivera, dancing in various old

Wealth (and Health)

2006-01-07T08:54:00.000-05:00

This year I'm going to become like Bill Gates--a corporate mogul (not Bono, not Melinda-- Bill). Earning money is just like getting healthy. Thanks to the droning advisory of experts and the cold, hard facts of modern science, we basically know what we need to do. In short, you gotta know when to hold em, fold em, walk on the treadmill and run mother f@*

Pride and Prejudice

2006-01-06T10:19:00.000-05:00

"Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery." J. Austen How come in Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth Bennet thinks Mr. Darcy did all these bad things, and it turns out she's wrong, he didn't do them. In my experience, the bad things often times turn out to be true, and in such cases, too true. Perhaps Elizabeth Bennet just got lucky

The Difference Between Us and In Touch

2006-01-05T15:34:00.000-05:00

In In Touch magazine, there is a segment I like called "is it true," which confirms and dispells celebrity rumors with a yes "check" or a no "x." I also like the body section, which references celebrity bodies (often female ones, like mine). Compared to In Touch, Us Weekly is like a George Eliot novel. It's a lot closer to People, bucks-wise, but with fewer human-interest stories. Us

Hijacked by Joe Wimpster!

2006-01-04T13:41:00.003-05:00

So last night I was out drinking with some buddies on the LES/ Williamsburg, and I met this chick named Lecy. She said I would write about my night in my blog the next day (today), and when I did, it would be f*@kin boring. Anyway, we partied all night, into the wee hours--college-style, dude! Great music. Hot chicks. You should have been there, man. I'm the m.f.in man.Joe

And From The Abyss...

2006-01-03T18:01:00.000-05:00

A voice cries out: "Awaken ye spiders, trapped by sorry loggery, hanging on your respective webs by the tips of your sticky legs! A fly has landed in the cornfield. Who's thirsty?"